’tis the season, i guess December 21, 2011

i am an excellent artist.

Sometimes when you feel like adorning sackcloth and ashes and walking around beating on your chest and moaning tormentedly about your first world problems you instead have to put on a brightly coloured paper crown and maintain a perky smile that can open and close to permit forkfuls of turkey. Christmas waits for no man.

That’s why I love wine.

Don’t get me wrong – I love Christmas. The Jones Family Christmas is an institution. You’re probably all jealous that you don’t get an invite. We have the best custard this side of the equator and once my Aunty put vodka on the Christmas pudding because there wasn’t any brandy and it was quite the pyrotechnics show. Christmas Day itself is wonderful and magical and everything the Christmas carols promise it will be but without the snow which having experienced a wintry Christmas I can safely say is a plus (36^oC on Sunday anyone? YEAH.)

The reason wine pulls me through the festive season is pretty much to cover the horror of the rest of December. Think “what did you get from your Secret Santa? I got lotion which isn’t awkward AT ALL”, “did you seriously tie tinsel around your cat’s neck?” and “omg Rundle Mall the week before Christmas is like the depths of Hades except with Hare Krishnas”. Think a pile of files taller than my entire body looming ominously on my desk screaming “PROCESS ME BEFORE FRIDAY BITCH” and me weeping quietly into my phone headset to the IT support guy who isn’t quite sure how to tell me that no he can’t fix my headache but my scanner should be working now.

So I drink wine. Chin chin to you all and merry Christmas. x